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November 2008

Comet Press open for submissions

Our print division, Comet Press, is currently accepting submissions for horror, suspense, and dark crime novels and novellas. Visit www.cometpress.us for details.

Available for order from Comet Press

DEADLINES: AN ANTHOLOGY OF HORROR AND DARK FICTION, will be released in November of 2008! Visit www.cometpress.us

Arrival
by Arianrhod Darkwing

I am tired of waiting to die. I have waited so long and with so little to comfort me except hope. But now I am old and my hope is waning. It is five years since your last visit, since we finalised our strategy, and it now seems more of a dream than a way to be with each other again. The whole affair seems so fantastic, I wonder whether I have just been delusional for the past twenty-odd years. I have never been able to tell anyone about you. Doesn't that suggest madness?

You first arrived in my living room, quite unexpectedly, shortly after my 60th birthday. I was, to say the very least, extremely surprised and definitely alarmed. But there was something about you, some quality I warmed to instantly, and I didn't scream or run for help. Yes, you were very good-looking and quite young – these things did help – but you were also somehow familiar. Even when you explained how you managed to appear out of nowhere in my living room, I didn't doubt you, not even for a moment.

It seemed so logical that you were a scientist from a parallel world. My understanding of your world's science is limited – indeed, science in this world was never my strong point – but you said you had developed a traveller's stone, as you called it. This stone enabled you to access a mysterious gateway, and you believed would it would allow you to travel, not only between worlds, but backwards and forwards in time. In fact, you had been trying to go back in time in your own world, when you had unexpectedly found yourself here.

You told me your name was Edwin. I still remember that day as though it were yesterday. I was attracted immediately to your gold-brown eyes so alive and full of light, and your long blond hair pulled back into a ponytail. I loved your outlandish costume – dark blue trousers tucked loosely into sturdy black boots, and pale green jacket, reminiscent of a military great coat yet somehow not quite the same. We talked and talked about our two different worlds well into the early hours of the morning. When you left, you said you would be back. Though I hoped you'd return, I didn't really believe you – why would a beautiful young man like you want to spend any more time with an old woman like me?

Yet you did come back, many, many more times, and against all odds we fell in love. How ridiculous it sounds to say that. We fell in love. Even now I can barely believe it. I must be mad, I must. I had waited all my life for true love … perhaps I merely imagined I had finally found it?

Then I see the bracelet you gave me, three different metals woven in a strange pattern, different to anything I have seen in this world, and I know it must be true. The day you gave me the bracelet, you also told me that you were worried about your continued ability to travel here. The power of the stone you created seemed to be fading, and despite repeated efforts, you had not been able to make a new one. You wanted to stay here in this world permanently.

I wanted you here, but I wondered whether it was proper for a young man such as you to live here with an old woman like me. Yes, we loved each other, but even though I was 'good for my age', I was keenly aware of my corporal failings. I would not, could not, be physically intimate with you. I was ashamed to give this ragged-round-the-edges body to you, even though you seemed to have no qualms. Forgive, me dearest Edwin, but I even worried a little that once here, you would find someone closer to your own age, and I would be left alone. I never told you this, but I think you knew and wished to allay my fears.

You asked whether if I was younger when I first met you, would I still have loved you, and could we have truly been together in every sense of the word. Of course, I said yes. In retrospect, that was foolish. I was very different when I was younger – afraid, insecure and desperate to cling to whatever, or whoever, seemed to a stabilising influence. Age had made me braver and stronger. Age created the woman you loved.

You concocted a plan whereby you would use the stone to travel, not only to this world but back in time. You were sure that there would be enough power in the stone to do that. I agreed wholeheartedly with your idea, and prayed that it would work. To be honest, I desired you so much. I wanted to make love with you, but I couldn't let myself, not as I was now.

I showed you the house that I lived in when I was in my twenties, an old Victorian style terrace house, which miraculously was still standing. I warned you that I was living with a lover at that time, and that you would have to be careful when you arrived. You told me you would be sure to come late at night.

Then, you said you must go and complete your calculations. We pledged we'd see each other soon and you kissed me on the lips, for the very first time, before you left. Little did I know it would be the last time I would ever feel your touch in this life.

Why I had forgotten the dream, that nightmare that had haunted me for so long, I don't know. Perhaps I was unable to reconcile the joy of what we had with the fear engendered by that terrifying dream.

I remember it now.

I am young again, in my mid-twenties and I am dreaming. I am in a dark hallway, and at the end is a candle held aloft by a dark shape. I am afraid and I cannot go toward it. I scream - then suddenly I am awake and lying in my bed. Next to me is my lover, fast asleep. How could he not have heard me scream? A tall dark shape, the shadowy figure of man appears before me, and grabs me by the wrists.

"Come with me, Sylvie," he pleads. "Come with me now."

I am frightened and resist his grip. He pulls so hard that I am forced to sit upright; still I say no. Yet I am not afraid of him, not at all. I am afraid that if I go with him I will be gone from this world forever, not dead, but not here. I want to be here. I gasp and realise I am sitting up in bed and that I have only now really woken up. My lover is beside me, and I lay down and snuggle into the warmth of his back. Yet I am haunted by the dream.

This dream recurs another two times, each time as terrifying as the first. Yet never does the penny drop. Not then, not on that magic day when you first land with a bump on my living floor and seem so familiar, not even when you kiss me goodbye that fateful day. But I remember it now and know that I ruined our chance of a life together.

For fourteen years, I neither heard nor saw you. My old heart broke, and I truly wished to die. But as I said, age had made me brave and strong, and I persisted. Eventually, I did not want to die, and began to make the best of the last of my living.

Then five years ago, you appeared again in my living room. You were not quite there, though. That is, I could see you but I could also see through you. I cried. I so wanted to hold you but could not. I whispered your name, and you came towards me but we could not touch. I felt I was dying.

"What happened? Why didn't you come to me when I was younger?" I sobbed.

"I did, my love. I did," you said, "but you turned me away."

"I would never have done that," I protested.

"But you did," you replied. "I came to you at night while you were sleeping, not once but three times."

The penny dropped. Finally and far too late.

"You were the tall shadowy man."

"Yes, my love. I tried to manifest the way I did when I first travelled here, but could not. Whether it was because I was stretching back too far in time or whether it was because I had weakened the stone more than I'd anticipated, I do not know."

You looked at me wistfully. "I was hoping to take you to my world – or somewhere in between."

"I'm sorry. I am so, so sorry." It occurred to me that the project had been doomed before it began. "It was a silly thing for us to do. Even if you had appeared as full flesh and blood, I could not have remembered you then. I didn't even know of your existence. How could I possibly have thought I would go with you?"

"I know. I understand. There is nothing to be sorry about."

We looked at each other painfully, longingly. Even though I knew the answer, I had to ask.

"And now … I can go with you now?"

You shook your head sadly.

"I don't have the power to take you with me."

"So what will we do? I can't bear the idea of never being with you."

"As you know, I discovered that you can use the gateway to travel to other places, other times. I've found that you can also stop there, as long as you like – but there are certain conditions," you said softly. "We can meet at the gateway at one time, and one time only."

You hesitated, and I already knew when that time was.

"So, I must kill myself?" I dreaded the idea. As much as I wished to be with you, I hated the thought of suicide.

"No, my love. I will not ask that of you. But you must wait until you die. Can you do that?"

I sighed.

"That probably won't be long. I wasn't young when you met me …"

"No," said Edwin, and reached out to touch my cheek. I could feel nothing. I wanted so much to feel the warmth of his hand.

"But won't I still be old? Wasn't the whole point of this so that we could be young together?"

"We will be, my darling. No-one is old at the gateway."

"How do you know this?"

"I … I saw my mother there. I didn't recognise her at first – she was so young – but she recognised me. It is where we go when we die, Sylvie."

"But if I have to die to get there, to stay there, what about you?"

"I'm already there, my love. That is why I am able to come here now, even though the stone is all but useless. The last attempt to reach you … I couldn't get back to my world."

A cold creeping realisation slithered up my spine.

"Are you dead then, Edwin?"

"I don't remember dying, but I think that is the only explanation."

"Then I will wait to die. I will die so I can see you again."

I reached out but you were already fading.

"Until we meet again, my love. I will miss you."

"And I will miss you, too."

But you are already gone. Gone again, from my life.

***

So I am waiting. In some ways, I don't want to die. I do still love to wake up every morning and smell the freshness of life, and I admit I have lost a little faith in this whole exercise. Can those events of the past ever have been real? Is this bracelet really so different? Or is it that my brain has turned to mush with the onslaught of years? Yet at other times, I look forward to death. I am bored with waiting. And part of me still believes you will be there when I arrive.

However, of late, I have been very tired. It is a weariness that comes from a place deep inside me, and permeates my being from the bones to the flesh. I believe the time is coming. Perhaps tonight?

I climb into my bed, and turn out the light. It seems I fall asleep immediately but then I am awoken by the flickering of the bedside lamp. As my eyes adjust, I see that the room is dark, the bedside lamp is off, and the light is above me. It grows cold and bright and I see a dark shape, the tall shadowy man of my nightmares. This time I know that it is you, Edwin, and I will not struggle. Not this time.

You take my wrists and pull me gently towards you.

"Come with me," you say softly. "Come with me now."

I can feel the warmth of your smile. I smile in response, and leave my body. I no longer need it.

I feel myself being drawn into the light and towards a large ornate stone gateway. Your handsome face is becoming clearer, and your gold-brown eyes are gazing lovingly into mine. My steps are light as air; I am young and vibrant once more. My Edwin, my dearest Edwin, how could I have ever doubted this would happen.

Hand in hand, we walk into eternity.